{monday morning} love

Monday, May 26, 2014

good morning sunshines!

a little bit of love and inspiration from the internets last week:

if you do nothing else today, just know that you are star dust. you are, literally, made of the heavens. and, yes, i understand if you don't bother reading beyond this point because your mind has been so blown by this.

this entire post is worth reading. but, if you are short on time, the real magic is in the last four paragraphs.

making sriracha this week!

holy shit. i have just discovered / fallen in love with jeff foster.

this is going in my "read and read and read again" folder.

and some beautiful words, courtesy of the spirit guide card i pulled this morning:

the holy spirit is filling your life with grace and ease. you're aligning with your purpose, and your discipline and focus are paying off. everything you touch seems to transform in to prosperity and beauty. this is more than luck; it's the reflection of the holy spirit flowing through you. the more you surrender to this divine energy, the more you'll be gifted with synchronicity and flow.

trust your immediate impulses and act on them without hesitation. the holy spirit is helping you make the right choices at the right time. your greatest challenge is to hold on to this joyous and natural healthy self-esteem and not allow others to throw you into self-doubt. believe in your dreams, your spirit, and yourself. pray for the strength to keep your focus clear and your hear open. 

the holy spirit's message: "walk in grace. all is well"

enjoy your monday!

{intentional} love

Sunday, May 25, 2014

this week i am going to let go of resistance.

or not even so much "let go" of it, but notice it and then really look at what i am resisting and then pursue that thing relentlessly until it loses the emotional charge of fear around it.

this is a lesson that has come up for me time and time again; whatever i am resisting is almost one hundred percent of the time the thing that i need to be doing/delving into.

and over the course of the last two weeks i received two really bright, shiny reminders of this.

reminder one:

i teach yoga nidra as the last class of each of my registered yoga sessions. this means that once every six week i get to teach a yoga nidra class. 

and i love to teach yoga nidra. love it. 

{yoga nidra is a deep guided meditation that is incredibly powerful, restful and healing...and it is as blissful to teach as it is to practice}

so for the last year or so i have been secretly wishing to teach this practice more regularly. however, every time i would begin to think about asking around with my fellow yoga teachers resistance would rear its ugly head and i would quietly back away.

flash back to two weeks ago when i flipped the bird to my resistance monster and emailed four of my friends that teach yoga nidra/own yoga studios/manage yoga studios and simply let them know that if they ever hear of anyone looking for a nidra teacher, and they couldn't take the job themselves, that i would be honoured if they suggested me.

and do you know what happened?

they each offered me a job!

nah, that didn't really happen. 

what really happened is quite possibly even more magic.

the very next day i received an email from one of my students wanting to connect me to a friend of hers that was looking for a yoga nidra teacher for the studio that she manages.

i mean, come on!

i finally face my resistance and put it out there that i want to teach a regular yoga nidra class and then receive an offer for one the very next day?

i'm still giddy over that one.

and, reminder two:

today i taught my very first, all on my own, personal energy profile workshop.

i have been trained to do this since the beginning of march and have absolutely resisted taking this first step ever since then.

every time i would go to set a date for a workshop my head would be filled with doubts 

who am i to teach this? who would bother to sign up? am i really capable of guiding people to discover their individual greatness? 

and on and on the excuses/resistance would dance.

and, again, i finally squared up to my resistance, set a date and promoted myself and, again, magic happened.

i had five of the most gorgeous, unique, huge-hearted women come to my home today.

i got to live in my absolute light and share with them about spirit and energy and, my very favourite, i was blessed to connect them to a beautiful part of themselves. i was able to witness as they all gained this incredible acceptance and navigation piece that i know can, and will, have a profound impact on every aspect of their lives.

why. the eff. did i resist that?!?

long winded post tonight, but the moral of the story for me, and probably for some of you too, is that those things we are resisting? we need to really investigate them. 

{monday morning} love

Monday, May 12, 2014

good morning beautiful.

grab a cup of your favourite quiet time drink {keeping in mind that it is still early and wine might not be appropriate} and then click through some of the love and inspiration that i enjoyed most over the course of the last week.

what an amazing little guy

hilarious and a clever solution

i know i raved about turning pro by steven pressfield a couple of weeks ago, but i just want to be sure the message was received... read. this. book.

this recipe has saved my disorganized self many a time

dolly parton gave us jolene and i will always love you and also might be secretly covered in tattoos? please, this gives me endless joy

best commercial ever

and, lastly, some comfort and inspiration:

your soul knows the geography of your destiny.
your soul alone has the map of your future, therefore you can trust this indirect, oblique side of yourself.
if you do, it will take you where you need to go, but more important it will teach you a kindness of rhythm in your journey.

::john o'donohue::

enjoy the week!

{post partum depression} love

Friday, May 9, 2014

you guys!

it's mental health week!

i had no idea, but yep, we are right in the middle of what is recognized as mental health week.

in honour of mental health week {and in honour of my self and any other hearts who are battling depression}, i would like to share what i have learned through my own journey with post partum depression.

1. depression struck me with literally no warning.

i took b in for his two month check up and had to fill in a little questionnaire that was blatantly screening for post partum blues/depression. i can distinctly remember feeling proud as i cheerfully rolled through each question...how often do you cry? never. do you feel supported at home? absolutely. how often do you feel overwhelmed? never.

and on and on.

i aced that questionnaire.

but if i had been asked the same set of questions that evening? i swear to god they would have checked me in somewhere.

it was that quick. like a light switch was simply flicked off; kael in the light, kael in the dark.

2. "depression" is an absolute misnomer.

if someone had asked me to describe a depressed person before my own experience, i would have used words like "sad" or "unhappy".

and now? well, those words would describe my depression on one of its cheerful days!

for me, depression showed up as the most intense, dark, internal anger. it showed up as a complete disconnect from anything and everything in my life; a disconnect from my own soul. it showed up as self-loathing, shame and a blinding sense of failure. it showed up as things so suppressed and emotions so foreign and feral that i still don't even know what words to put to them. it showed up as the most malignant, all consuming, darkness i have ever witnessed.

so, yeah, people suffering depression are far more than just sad. lesson learned!

3. depression mental illness must be normalized and accepted.

when b was six months, four months into my fight with depression, i finally went and saw my doctor. and, with the biggest lump in my throat ever, i confessed that i thought i might be struggling with depression.

i confessed.

like a child who had been caught doing something wrong.

i mean, what the hell?

if i had gone to her because i thought i had cancer, it would have been all out in the open. probably my mom or sister or husband would have accompanied me to the appointment. for sure i would have already discussed my concerns with everyone in my tribe. and i know that in no way would i have felt ashamed of myself for getting sick.

but, no. not with mental illness.

mental illness still carries a stigma. a sense of shame.

mental illness is still thought of as something that we have chosen.

all of this is messed up and needs to change.

4. acknowledgement and acceptance were key to my healing.

when i confessed my fears to my doctor, do you know what she did?

she smiled at me and said "ok". she told me that one in seven women struggle with post partum depression and that she thought the statistic was probably much higher but that a lot of women don't come forward. she told me that it was an illness; that i was sick and not just a spectacularly horrible human being {which was what i had been telling myself}.

and just like that i could feel this weight lifted off of my shoulders.

i still had another couple of months of extreme lows ahead of me, but i was also starting to see a few normal days because i was a normal person with a normal illness.

5. healing took a looooooooong time and a lot of work.

i can honestly say that  it took until last fall, three years after it all started, to finally be able to say that i was well and truly free of depression.

sure, my actual depression only lasted 6 months. but what i like to call my "depression hangover" lasted another two and a half years.

for two and a half years i raked myself over the coals, even with my knowledge that i hadn't chosen to get sick. i beat myself up with guilt and shame. i lived in absolute fear that i had ruined my kids.

all i can say about this, and to anyone else who is there themselves, is don't do this.

6. post partum depression, three years after the fact, turned out to be an absolute gift.

yes, it took some major time to pass and the gift of hindsight, but post partum depression is indeed one of the best things that has happened to me.

first of all, i survived it.

i hit my absolute rock bottom and lived to tell.

second of all, it broke every single wall that i had spent the last thirty-ish years of my life building up around my heart and left me with this beautiful, all-encompassing, compassionate, heart that rules every aspect of my life.

it gave me my second chance.

i sincerely hope that this little glimpse will help even just one of you beautiful souls; regardless if it is you or a loved one who is tangled up with depression.

{tribe} love

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

i "met" ashley through an online photography class i took back in january.

only the class wasn't really about photography.

it was about discovering your inner fire. and then feeding that fire.

it was about digging deep and unearthing passions. about uncovering a deeply buried purpose. about playing, dancing and creating. and, above all, making connections with a beautiful tribe of other creative souls that are pushing the boundaries of what they have "known" to this point.

ashley is one of them.

and i am super blessed to have been invited as a guest blogger in her mamma anthologies series today.

please go have a read. and while you're there, click around to witness some of the other magic that this beautiful girl is weaving.

{monday morning} love

Monday, May 5, 2014

i often regard the internet as both a blessing and a curse.

however, last week the blessings were a plenty!

stop everything that you are doing and enjoy the eleven most expansive and inspired breaths you will probably take all day.

this is so brilliant and to the point and, ultimately, simple.

this struck so many chords

there can never be enough kindness


friday night i listened to runaway train by soul asylum for the first time in something ridiculous like twenty-two years and had basically this exact same reaction

alright sweethearts, get back to being productive.

happy monday!

{intentional} love

Sunday, May 4, 2014

know that you have a center.
know that you belong there.
know that the path to the center takes no effort.

::deepak chopra::

this week i am just going to hang out.

i've spent the last three years working really hard. physically, metaphysically...my nose has been to the grindstone. 

and all of that really hard work was crazy necessary and the "progress" has been epic. but i think i am ready to shift gears and simply allow. 

i read the following quote last week and it was like being smacked in the head with a two by four:

wu-wei literally translates as “no trying” or “no doing,” but it’s not at all about dull inaction. in fact, it refers to the dynamic, effortless, and unselfconscious state of mind of a person who is optimally active and effective. people in wu-wei feel as if they are doing nothing, while at the same time they might be creating a brilliant work of art, smoothly negotiating a complex social situation, or even bringing the entire world into harmonious order. for a person in wu-wei, proper and effective conduct follows as automatically as the body gives in to the seductive rhythm of a song. this state of harmony is both complex and holistic, involving as it does the integration of the body, the emotions, and the mind. if we have to translate it, wu-wei is probably best rendered as something like “effortless action” or “spontaneous action.” being in wu-wei is relaxing and enjoyable, but in a deeply rewarding way that distinguishes it from cruder or more mundane pleasures.

::edward slingerland::

so, if you need me, i'll be over here enjoying some peace, quiet and "effortless action".

{monthly forecast} love

Thursday, May 1, 2014

the first of every month i always read through the monthly forecast from the power path and i think i am going to make it a new blogging tradition to also share it here.

i'm super excited for the month ahead...have a read and hopefully you will be too!

"The Theme for May 2014 is INTEGRATION.

This is a month to integrate and assimilate what has come before as deeply as possible. In the last months you have been stretched, twisted, expanded, tweaked, changed, thrown curve balls, challenged, shown a glimpse of an incredible potential, and guided to keep going forward, putting one foot in front of the other. You have hopefully learned to trust spirit on a deeper level as you have been shown over and over that things just are not always what they seem to be.

Some of you have ended up a bit confused and are having difficulty with the resulting chaos. Some of you are wondering what’s next as if you are at the train station not quite knowing which train to get on. You may even be feeling somewhat scattered but with a deep desire to anchor something new and different and to feel the comfort of routine and reliability once more. There is a yearning for stability, security and predictability.

There are a lot of pieces to be integrated, not only the fallout of what has occurred and what you may have experienced in the past weeks or months, but a whole history of certain ways of being that are no longer attractive or desirable as you move forward. The old story does not hold as much weight and a new one has yet to emerge and come into focus. There may even be a sense of no longer knowing who you are by any intellectual definition.

If you took everything out of your closets and storage shelves and heaped it all on the floor with the intention of organizing it differently back into the spaces where it came from, you would be looking at chaos. This is what this time is like and the sorting and reorganizing is all part of the integration and assimilation that is so sorely needed now. The bits and pieces you wish to keep are all still there but they need to be integrated into a new pattern and a new configuration.

There is a desire to take the expansive and higher centered experiences of the past few weeks and to bring that energy back down to earth and integrate it in a way that is practical for everyday use. There is also a desire to gain some understanding about your process and about where you have been and where you may be going in your life.

What does INTEGRATION mean?

Integration is the reassembly of parts of yourself that are connected to all the experiences in your life that have made you who you are. Integration comes with understanding, learning and assimilating that which has been a mystery in your life. It helps connect you with a deeper wisdom about who you are and where you are going. It helps to bring disparate parts together in a new configuration of harmony and balance. It helps you to collect all your energy that has been held hostage by trauma and unresolved issues of the past. Integration helps you to understand the bigger picture by giving you a framework for a new improved story. Integration helps you to accept and assimilate great change.

During April you had access to some very powerful energies. Higher centered experiences were possible, and there were some real highs and there were some real lows and it was all very intense. For some of you there was so much change that you are now in the process of sorting out your life. The higher centered experiences always give a point of reference. They push the envelope and expand things out of their comfort zone. The pot of old patterns and childhood imprinting has been stirred up and the energy released needs to be assimilated and integrated. It is all part of who you are therefore it just needs to find a new order in your life.

Think of your experiences as a vast library of lessons learned. You are going back to review what is still useful, what you can use, what is yours and what is not, and to integrate that wisdom with new energies and inspiration that you have just recently connected with. The past meets the future and meets in the present. This is not an intellectual activity. You may still not understand what your next steps are or how to proceed in your life, but your essence knows and is guiding you every step of the way. Trust your inner shaman and you can’t go wrong.

How the month shows up

It will be very important to implement some routines and regularly scheduled practices to give you some stability and calm the instinctive center. Integration will happen whether you focus on it or not. Your job is to give integration time and space to occur. Be patient with yourself and others and focus on bringing beauty into your life. Spend time in nature or in your garden and make sure to give yourself some unstructured time just to hang out.

This is a perfect time and opportunity to reclaim your power from past traumas and to assimilate all that energy back into yourself...it is important to turn away from conflict whenever possible. Conflict, judgment, negative thoughts and emotions are not easily integrated and serve only to disassociate parts of yourself instead of bringing them together in a new order.

You can get through a lot of personal growth this month if you stay focused and don’t get distracted by drama or fear, which is never justified.

Relationships could go through an adjustment based on individuals integrating new ways of being in relationship because of the elimination of old patterns and new reference points of higher centered experiences. The most common theme will be a desire to upgrade and raise the quality of how you relate to one another. There is also an opportunity to integrate much more acceptance of diversity and to appreciate the differences that make things interesting.

Because of the desire for upgrading the relationship experience, those that do not offer something of a higher vibration will go by the wayside (unless they are karmic). Beauty is important as well as the opportunity for higher centered essence contact. Because of the massive amounts of change in everyone, we may see many second chances being offered and negotiated instead of ruthless discard of a partnership that no longer works so well. There will be a lot of work for marriage counselors as well as personal therapists because of the need for understanding and integration.

The main focus this month is on the earth. The earth will get lots of attention and be the subject of discussion, conflict, negotiation, study and discovery. In the aftermath of the intensity of April we may even see some earth movement and activity, which will then require integration and assimilation of change.

Your personal day –to- day environment will also require you to realign yourself with it in a conscious and positive way. Look around you. Do you like what you see? Is there anything you feel you need to change in order for your environment to support you now? Because beauty is a big theme this month make sure you are paying attention to beauty both in the greater environment and in your personal environment. You may wish to keep fresh flowers around and be drawn to more color and decorating than before.

What gets integrated here this month are changes in your personal belief system about the body and what it is capable of. Anything that has changed your view and what you believe to be true about the body will be integrated, assimilated and put to instant use. There is much past life information as well as imprinted patterns that are of the past and not being bought into anymore thus leaving room for an improved relationship and understanding of the body.

What you can do is always see your body as brand new every day without the limitations of old beliefs. Support your body in being capable, strong, healthy and adventurous. Say hello to it daily and ask it to support you. Since beauty and the integration of beauty as a frequency is important this month, keep that in mind as you pay more attention to your body and its caretaking.

Businesses will need to integrate new ideas into old models and old ideas into new models. There is potential for great synergy in bringing together many different energies and facets to create a whole new structure for business and economy. It is an exciting time for new projects as long as you are not attached to old models. For those of you from older generations listen to the young as they can see the future way better than you can.

Already there are new ways of working, creating partnerships, creative financing and much support for innovative and cutting edge projects that does not come from old institutions. Old structures cannot keep up and they will crumble. This is a good thing. What is important is not to discard the pieces that created them in the first place. Most of those pieces can and need to be integrated into a new foundation that will support the innovative idea or project. Never disregard the wisdom of what has come before even if the model is outdated.

May 1-7: Take a breath and get some rest. This is a good time to go into some assimilation as the energies change from radical creative pressure to something that feels much like an eddy in a river. You don’t want to stay in the eddy too long but for a little while it provides some much-needed down time.

This does not mean becoming a couch potato and doing nothing, it just means going about what is required of you in a less intense and more relaxed way. You may even feel like the days are a bit spaced out and unfocused. This is a transition time from major intensity to coming back down to earth and getting a closer more practical look at what the change is all about. Welcome the down time and trust the ease.

May 8-14: This week could be a bit challenging as some of the changes during the time of intensity begin to hit home. It may seem like too much to integrate. It is crucial this week to stay grounded and focused and to have routines and practices in your life. They will help to provide a container for what needs to be integrated.

Remember that integration does not need to be tracked and it is better not to micro manage and be overly obsessive and hyper-vigilant about the process. This will only cause anxiety about whether or not you are doing it right or missing something or not taking advantage of some opportunity. Relax and trust spirit and practice an inner knowing that all is as it should be.

May 14: Full Moon is Wednesday, May 14 at 1:19PM MDT (Mountain Daylight Time). Use this full moon time to work with beauty. Pay special attention to all the beauty around you, bring beauty into your environment, and focus on beauty for your body. It may be a great day to do something luxurious and pampering for yourself.

This full moon is also a good time to be in gratitude and to honor the expansive quality of anything big that is happening around you either to yourself or to others. Welcome love and beauty into your life. (Mp3 on Manifesting is a good one for this day)

May 17-24: This is a time frame that supports manifesting change. Whatever you were dreaming up, whatever spirit has in mind for you, whatever radical change for you happened in April, it can become manifest. Focus on the positive and set your intention for any change to support a new platform from which you will be able to create your future. This is also a time that requires sealing up and taking back your power from any energy leaks you have been indulging in and getting rid of what does not serve you. 

There are some lessons available around power and the power of being grounded and integrated and having routines and practices that work for you. A little structure is a good thing as long as it does not limit you. Stay out of other people’s drama, as that is surely an energy leak.

May 25-31: You may feel a yo yo effect during this time. Some days will be energetic and you will feel like everything is falling into place and integrating nicely. You will experience synchronicity and connect with that higher vibration of the higher centers. Life will feel really good.

And then…the next day you will perceive that its all going into a negative tail spin and you will be in despair with no energy and life will feel futile and empty. This is the void that is actually a place of reset. So if this happens to you do not resist it but rather take the day off and spend it in contemplation and practice being rather than doing. It will change and you will experience both sides of this ying yang coin. If you find yourself in the void it means you have some assimilating to do and a reset is needed. Change your scene and do something different for a bit. Be patient.

May 28: New Moon is Wednesday, May 28 at 12:43 PM MDT (Mountain Daylight Time) This is one of those days that experiencing the void may be possible depending on where you are in your integration and assimilation process. How this New Moon is for you will also depend on what big changes or energy downloads you happen to be processing. This is a day for quiet contemplation and taking a break from anything that is too demanding, energetic or stressful. A focus on beauty is always helpful and appreciating everything you have with gratitude is always a good practice."


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