{eating disorder awareness} love

Sunday, February 3, 2013

I used to be bulimic.

I suspect I still am.

Actually, I'm sure I still am.

What I suspect is that, like any addiction, you are never technically free of it. You just become smarter and stronger than it.

What I have noticed is that, for me, it has been somewhat of a spectrum disorder. For example, from the age seventeen to twenty I was REALLY bulimic. I threw up every. single. day and, at my least healthy, weighed in at one hundred and fifteen pounds.

Then, in very short succession, I had several burst blood vessels in my eyes {thanks to how violently I was making my body heave to get every last bit of food out}, I had a seizure and I was diagnosed with a heart murmur. Oh, and I was weak and exhausted.

And terrified.

It was a much needed wake up call to the fact that I was slowly but surely destroying myself.

And that's when I gradually began to move over to the other side of that spectrum where I'm not as extreme in my bulimia. Now it shows up less frequently, and never disguised as anything to do with my body image but fully in it's ugly glory of control. For example, about six months ago, I had a crummy day, not a horrible day just one that wasn't great, where nothing really went as expected {which is basically everyday in my life as a mumma, so why this one set me off is a mystery...}. To cheer myself up at the end of said crummy day I treated myself to some a big bowl of homemade mac and cheese {comfort food} and then, unreasonably, felt even more disgusted with myself and went and threw it all up.

{spoiler alert: that didn't make me feel better either}  

And before that incident it had probably been a couple of years.
And it took me a full TEN years to get to that place where I could confidently say that I am smarter and stronger than it. 

As much as I'd love to be able to tell you a lot about the ins and outs or facts of bulimia, I only carry my own experiences. However, one of my very best friends {who has battled so hard against this disease} is doing her doctorate in clinical psychology so that she can work specifically with eating disorders. Her purpose in life truly is to raise awareness of eating disorders and to initiate change in the prevention and treatment of eating disorders. 

{her other, less cerebral, purpose in life is to make me laugh so hard that my throat hurts and I can't breathe} 

I am so proud of her.

Please, check out her blog...

Feed Your Soul

And, if you have a moment, please pass the link around. I promise you that, whether you know it or not, someone in your life is struggling with body image or an eating disorder.
Unreasonable expectations.

1 comment:

  1. Your honesty and vulnerability are part of what make you an amazing person!



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