{thirty-three} love

Sunday, February 10, 2013

It's my birthday tomorrow!

Thirty-three this year and so here is my bucket list for the year...thirty-three wild and dreamy wishes for my thirty-third year!

1) Read The Brain That Changes Itself by Norman Doidge.

2) Meet up with old and new friends for some body/mind/soul evolution in Tulum, Mexico in December under the guidance of Ally Bogard, Tara Judelle and Kristin Campbell  {and, fingers crossed, Tanis Fishman}.

3) Get in more horseback rides.
 {Riding a horse for me is instant freedom and instant connection to the wild and untethered thing I once was.}

4) Complete my training to become a SolePath Certified Mentor.

5) Take a dance class. Preferably African.

6) Purge my closet.
{That mountain of laundry that keeps appearing in my room that I have so often complained about? Pretty sure it has a fairly direct connection to me having too many clothes.}

7) Try out some past life regression stuff.

8) Continue to meet up with the magical Heather Orton for general spiritual wellness.

9) Read My Stroke of Insight by Jill Bolty Taylor

10) Listen to my astrological yearly update.

11) Start running again.
{I am torn on this one as I know it will be good for me but I also detest how quickly it tightens up my muscles.}

12) Start up ladies' bike night as soon as the weather permits.

13) Read any or all of my Wayne Dyer books

14) Practice gratitude.

15) Practice the awareness that in every single action, re-action, emotion and so-on I have a choice. And then work to always move from a space of love.

16) Get confident using my camera in manual mode again.

17) Take an aerial fusion course.

18) Paint something big, bold and directly from my heart.

19) Read The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery.
{This is my favourite book ever. Of all time. Please read it and see for yourself.}

20) Take P to Disneyland.

21) Train one of the many young horses out at the ranch.

22) Get away with just Kev.

23) Go somewhere new. Nope, make that four somewheres new.

24) Do something {blurb book, magnets, prints} with all of my very favourite instagram photos.

25) Give myself the gift of waking up earlier than the wee men for some much needed "self" time. I'm not sure what this looks like yet. Like, do I wake up at five in the morning so that I can walk Bernard/practice yoga/meditate/write? Or do I wake up at six-thirty so that I can just have a half an hour of quiet? I am leaning towards five so that I can really get some stuff done that I struggle to fit in otherwise but, well, five IN THE MORNING is not at all appealing. In conclusion, I'll keep you posted!

26) Maintain this blog that I love so much.

27) I've gotten pretty good at getting myself to bed by ten-thirty at the latest...this feels SO good and I am therefore shooting to keep it up.

28) Enjoy my wee men.

29) Go antiquing.

30) Turn the storage space under the stairs into a special and cozy little private space for the wee men.

31) I keep feeling this strong pull to make and sell something that I've made. Lately the idea in my head is malas {prayer beads} but I need to actually sit down and flesh out the ideas that are always rolling around in my head.

32) I've started a massive overhaul of our house, mostly in my head, and I want to see it through.

33) Find an arrowhead.

And that's it.

I'm excited.

Simply excited.

Here's my first phone purge in a looooong time!

*all photos are taken on my iPhone and edited using Instagram (follow me @amillionlittleloves) then dumped into a collage template on iPiccy*

Have a beautiful week friends. 

And, if it speaks to you, treat yourself to some extra love. Or maybe just become more deeply aware of all the beautiful love that already surrounds you.

{eating disorder awareness} love

Sunday, February 3, 2013

I used to be bulimic.

I suspect I still am.

Actually, I'm sure I still am.

What I suspect is that, like any addiction, you are never technically free of it. You just become smarter and stronger than it.

What I have noticed is that, for me, it has been somewhat of a spectrum disorder. For example, from the age seventeen to twenty I was REALLY bulimic. I threw up every. single. day and, at my least healthy, weighed in at one hundred and fifteen pounds.

Then, in very short succession, I had several burst blood vessels in my eyes {thanks to how violently I was making my body heave to get every last bit of food out}, I had a seizure and I was diagnosed with a heart murmur. Oh, and I was weak and exhausted.

And terrified.

It was a much needed wake up call to the fact that I was slowly but surely destroying myself.

And that's when I gradually began to move over to the other side of that spectrum where I'm not as extreme in my bulimia. Now it shows up less frequently, and never disguised as anything to do with my body image but fully in it's ugly glory of control. For example, about six months ago, I had a crummy day, not a horrible day just one that wasn't great, where nothing really went as expected {which is basically everyday in my life as a mumma, so why this one set me off is a mystery...}. To cheer myself up at the end of said crummy day I treated myself to some a big bowl of homemade mac and cheese {comfort food} and then, unreasonably, felt even more disgusted with myself and went and threw it all up.

{spoiler alert: that didn't make me feel better either}  

And before that incident it had probably been a couple of years.
And it took me a full TEN years to get to that place where I could confidently say that I am smarter and stronger than it. 

As much as I'd love to be able to tell you a lot about the ins and outs or facts of bulimia, I only carry my own experiences. However, one of my very best friends {who has battled so hard against this disease} is doing her doctorate in clinical psychology so that she can work specifically with eating disorders. Her purpose in life truly is to raise awareness of eating disorders and to initiate change in the prevention and treatment of eating disorders. 

{her other, less cerebral, purpose in life is to make me laugh so hard that my throat hurts and I can't breathe} 

I am so proud of her.

Please, check out her blog...

Feed Your Soul

And, if you have a moment, please pass the link around. I promise you that, whether you know it or not, someone in your life is struggling with body image or an eating disorder.
Unreasonable expectations.


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