{missing} love

Thursday, December 29, 2011

My apologies for the not very gentle intro, but I'm not sure of a more eloquent way to go about it.

We did indeed lose my Auntie...on Christmas Eve day.

And today we said good-bye with a most amazing celebration.

It's been a hard week. An exhausting week.

But today was good.

Of course there were tears, loads of tears, but there were many, many glimpses of joy.

Joy that she's on the next leg of her journey. That her hurt is gone. That she gets to see her mom and dad and ride the wild horses of the Ya Ha Tinda and eat the custard in Cuba and let her gypsy spirit explore to her heart's content.

It is such a struggle to reconcile love with loss, grief with joy, letting go of a body but holding onto a spirit. And I don't think the struggle ever goes away. I don't believe that time "heals" so much as allows for the instances where we are left crippled and breathless by grief to gradually become more fleeting.

There are so many things in my heart I would love to say but am afraid my attempt at putting it all into words would not be sufficient.

This is a poem my cousin read at the funeral today and I think it is about perfect.

“I am standing upon the seashore.
A ship at my side spreads her white
sails to the morning breeze and starts
for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength.
I stand and watch her until at length
she hangs like a speck of white cloud
just where the sea and sky come
to mingle with each other.
Then, someone at my side says;
"There, she is gone!"
"Gone where?"
Gone from my sight. That is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull
and spar as she was when she left my side
and she is just as able to bear her
load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her.
And just at the moment when someone
at my side says, "There, she is gone!"
There are other eyes watching her coming,
and other voices ready to take up the glad
shout;
"Here she comes!"

And that is dying.”


When she read it, I could just picture my Grandma and Grandpa waiting on the far horizon...arms open, smiling big, welcoming her back to them.

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